God Never Asked You to Be Perfect
I want to share a secret with you that I’ve learned through my own life journey…
God never asked you to be perfect.
Let that sink in for a moment. Really sink in.
God - our Heavenly Father - never asked us to be perfect. He doesn’t expect perfectionism. He doesn’t require perfectionism. In fact, He doesn’t even want perfectionism.
So, why then have so many of us run ourselves completely ragged trying to be perfect “for“ Him?
It’s a question I’ve definitely had to ask myself a few times along the way.
Where did this notion of having to be “perfect” come from? For me, it had a lot to do with my childhood and upbringing. Which, I would guess, is probably true for a lot of people. In fact, when I did a survey on the subject (in preparation for an upcoming book) recently, I found that a lot of people’s answers reflected just that - an experience from their childhood that set them out on a lifelong journey to be “perfect.”
Some where more traumatic than others. But no matter how severe the originating force, the result was always the same… an overwhelming need to try to please others, do everything just right and basically be the “perfect” person.
If this is you, then you know just how exhausting it can be. First of all, because there is no "end point” to being perfect. There is always something else to do or something you can do better. But also, because there’s no fixed point as to what “perfect” even is. If you asked ten people what that means to them personally, they would give you ten different answers.
Now, you take all of this and put it into the context of a Christian life… where we are supposed to be living in the knowledge that our worth comes from Him and no one else, and that we have been saved through faith and the grace of God and not our works… and you’d think we’d be able to fend off the monster called perfectionism. Right?
You’d think.
But, for me personally anyway, I have found the victory over perfectionism to be a process, not a one-and-done deal.
First, the Lord had to take me through a process of personal healing that went back to the root of my perfectionist tendencies. He had to show me where the habits and false beliefs came from, correct my thinking and heal my heart.
But, even though that was a HUGE part of my “recovery” from perfectionism, that wasn’t where it stopped.
Because I realized that I (like many perfectionism/works-driven people, I imagine) could simply redirect my perfectionist tendencies from trying to please man to trying to please God.
So, even if my heart was healed from the past and I had been freed from needing approval from man, I could still get caught in the same trap, but in my relationship with the Lord.
Let me explain. (And see if any of this sounds familiar to you too…)
The Lord will teach us things that are good for us to do - read the Word, spend time with Him daily, serve others, declare His promises over our life, etc. These are all things that keep us spiritually healthy, full of peace and in communion with Him. So, they are all good things to do.
However, if you tend to be a perfectionist or works-based person, you can easily take these good things and twist them into just another thing that you have to do to earn God’s love/approval. Instead of them being ways for us to grow, become stronger and remain encouraged, they become items on an imaginary checklist that we have to “do” or else God won’t be happy with us.
Even if you don’t think of it in outright terms like that… that God won’t be happy with me… you can also twist it into “If I don’t do this thing, God won’t release His blessings or deliver on His promise to me.”
Yes, the Lord does have His perfect timing and won’t bring us into His blessings before He knows we are ready to handle them. But, He is in control of that, not us. Meaning, we are not that powerful. God isn’t sitting up in Heaven going, “Oh well, I was going to release such-and-such blessing to her today, but since she isn’t reading her Bible enough, I think I’ll wait.”
God’s love is unconditional. We don’t have to do anything to earn it or keep it. Just believe in Jesus’ sacrifice for us and receive it.
Which brings us to grace.
Grace is the unmerited favor of God. Which means, by its very definition, that we don’t deserve it.
Grace literally means God’s favor is with us when we’re not getting it right. When we missed what He said, when we heard it wrong, when we added our own understanding, when we went the wrong direction. His favor is with us, period. Because He loves us, not because we are perfect.
So, if anyone has ever told you that God’s grace does not cover you when you are out of His will, do not listen to them. I am not talking about people who are in outright rebellion to the Lord. But, I am talking about Christ followers who have given their heart to the Lord and are just doing their best to follow Him.
God does not withdraw His love, protection or blessing from you if you make a mistake. He does not turn away from you if you go too many days in a row without praying or reading your Bible. Yes, He wants an intimate relationship with you and He knows the more you do these things, the more you will experience His freedom and peace. But, it is not a tit-for-tat relationship where He is grading your every move.
That is religion. Not relationship.
So, I’ve said all of this to come to the part that I felt Him put on my heart to share today - trusting that we are walking in His will.
I don’t know about you, but one of the ways in which perfectionism would try to rear its head is around whether or not I was walking in His will. And I don’t mean in a grand scheme of things kind of way, I mean in my day-to-day decisions.
I would be SO concerned with wanting to move in His will and not mine, that I would often myself a bit paralyzed. I would question what I thought I heard - did He really say that or was that me? Because I wouldn’t want to move forward if it was my own will, but then again… I didn’t want to not move either if it was Him.
It was maddening.
One day, the Holy Spirit pointed out to me that following Him was not supposed to be just another form of bondage. And that’s what it was starting to feel like. Following Him is freedom. So, if I found myself confused, frustrated or paralyzed… I was letting the enemy mess with my mind.
He also reminded me that the disciples didn’t sit around paralyzed, waiting for the Lord to direct their every move. They trusted the Holy Spirit to guide them and they moved about freely. And He wanted me to do the same.
That was extremely freeing. And helped to a certain extent. But I have to admit, there were still times when I’d wonder if I was actually moving in accordance with His will or if I was just mindlessly wandering from step to step, decision to decision.
And that’s when the Holy Spirit revealed the real treasure to me.
He reminded me that it’s actually never been about my ability to be perfect or “get it right.” Ever. It’s always been about my heart. As is pretty much everything with the Lord.
He’s never expected me to get every step right. He’s only ever wanted my heart to be surrendered to Him. For me to put my faith and trust in Him and His ways. And to choose to follow His will over mine.
It’s a choice.
And that’s what matters to Him. Because when we choose to follow His will for our life instead of our own and we truly surrender our heart to Him, it allows Him to lead us. It gives Him access. Permission. (Yes, we can give the Lord of Lords permission to lead our life even though He’s in charge of the whole enchilada anyway. Because He’s also given us free will and He is a gentleman. He will not force His will on anyone.)
But, when we make that choice - to surrender our will to His and give Him control of our lives (and I mean really truly do this at a heart level, not just say the words), then we can rest assured that He is indeed in control.
Which means then, that He is directing our steps even when we don’t realize it.
I can’t even tell you how many times I have realized after the fact that God had put me in a particular place, had me do a certain thing or talk to a certain person for a reason. At the time, when I was doing it, I just thought I was going about my merry way. But, it would be after some incredible thing would happen… some “crazy coincidence” would take place… that I would see His signature all over it.
You know what I mean. The times when you realize why you took that job or moved into that house. Or reached out to that person at just that moment.
It’s because God is always in control. He is sovereign. He is bigger than anything we can imagine. And so are His ways. So, we need to take peace in that and find rest in it. Because we are not going to screw up His plans anytime soon.
All He wants is your heart.
He doesn’t want perfectionism in the way you do things or in the things you say. What pleases Him is your faith, your trust and your obedience. Your belief in Him, your love for Him and your willingness to lay your life in His hands. That’s what makes Him smile.
And the good news is, when we do that… then we can know that He is guiding our ways. Whether we realize it or not.
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. -Prov. 16:9
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. -Prov. 3:6
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. -Ps. 32:8
And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying this is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right or to the left. -Is. 30:21
Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established. -Prov. 16:3
The steps of a man are established by the Lord when he delights in His way. -Ps. 37:23
We need to remember (and take comfort in) the fact that God is always with us. As followers of Jesus, He is like a loving Father tending to His child.
Just as you would to a toddling child who is learning to walk, He is walking right there beside us, ready to nudge us back in the right direction if we go astray. He is there to catch us when we fall and even give us a gentle push if we need to get moving.
It’s like the lyrics to one of my favorite Christian songs say…
Sometimes on this journey
I get lost in my mistakes
What looks to me like weakness
Is a canvas for Your strength
And my story isn't over
My story's just begun
And failure won't define me
'Cause that's what my Father does
Yeah, failure won't define me
'Cause that's what my Father doesArrival's not the end game
The journey's where you are
You never wanted perfect
You just wanted my heart
And the story isn't over
If the story isn't good
And failure's never final
When the Father's in the room
And failure's never final
When the Father's in the room-The Father’s House by Cory Asbury
Instead of focusing on ourselves and every move we make or word we say, trying to get them just right, we can focus on HIM. Knowing that He loves us for who we are, not what we do. And trusting that He is guiding us every step of the way.
