It's Time to Let Go

I couldn’t decide what to name this post.

There was so much wisdom and revelation I felt led to share, that it seemed almost impossible to narrow it down to one title. But, when I stopped for a moment and asked the Holy Spirit, “What should I call this, Lord?”, I felt Him sum it all up in one phrase - it’s time to let go.

It all started the other day when I had a revelation about God’s love. I have been waiting and expecting a particular promise from God to manifest for a long time. Particularly, over the course of the last couple months, as He had outright told me, “It’s time.”

Yet, it seemed like day in and day out, I’d be expecting something to happen, only to find another day pass by with no manifestation. Along the way, I had been experiencing His favor and blessing. But, it almost seem to come and go in waves. In fact, the Holy Spirit kept playing a song in my head to address it - “In and Out of Love.”

Yes, He was using an old Bon Jovi song to get me to realize that I was walking in and out of His love. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t seem to figure out why it kept happening.

Then, this one afternoon, I received a prophetic word and a revelation along with it - I had been thinking that my salvation/blessing/rescue from this particular situation was going to come because I said or did something in particular. When in actuality, it was going to come simply by His love and the power of the cross.

As this really began to sink in for me, I heard a song playing in the background where I was and the Holy Spirit again prompted me to pay attention. It was “I Wanna Know What Love Is.”

In my life, there’s been heartache and pain.
I don’t know if I can face it again.
Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far.
To change this lonely life.
I want to know what love is.
I want You to show me.
I want to feel what love is.
I know you can show me.
I’m gonna take a little time,
A little time to look around me.
I’ve got nowhere left to hide.
It looks like Love has finally found me.

The words rang so true for me. I had been through heartache and pain and never really knew what it was like to experience unconditional love. But, I knew I wanted to. I wanted to feel what it really feels like to be loved. And I knew God could show me.

Like the words said, there was nowhere left to hide and Love had finally found me.

It’s funny, cuz we don’t usually even realize that we’re hiding. Why would we hide from the very thing we want the most?? But, we are hiding when we try to attribute that love to something we do or say. We’re still hiding from what God’s love actually is. Because we’re still making it into a man-type of love, where we have to earn it in some way.

After that revelation, I felt relieved. But, also a little hesitant. I didn’t really know how to receive that kind of love since I had never experienced it before. How did I do that? How was I to walk in it?

The first step, I realized, was to stop agreeing with guilt, shame and self-condemnation. When I was constantly focused on me doing the right thing or saying the right words to “release” the blessing/promise, and then it wouldn’t happen, I would blame myself. I must be missing something! It’s your fault that you’re still in this situation because you can’t figure out what God is trying to tell you or wants you to do!

But, that’s not how God is. That’s not how He loves. He gave His most precious gift of all - His very own son - to cover our sins and make us right with Him, even before He knew if we’d accept or not. So, how could I think He’d expect something from me for these “lesser” things?

Everything in me and around me was saying GO! It’s time to move into the new. It’s time! Leave the old behind and receive the promises! Yet, in the natural, nothing seemed to change. It was frustrating and infuriating.

I understood what the Lord was saying about His love. In fact, I had a beautiful image in my mind of Him standing at the table He’s prepared and Him inviting me to walk up and sit down, knowing that I had done nothing to “deserve” it or “earn” my spot. It was simply because He loved me.

The visual made me tear up as I again, asked Him to help me receive it. Because I did want it! I want that kind of love and blessing! But, I wasn’t sure how to “take” it. All I could do was tell Him I said yes. I want it.

I was excited and hopeful. And I had several awesome experiences with His provision that same day. So, I was caught completely off-guard and was taken by surprise to find myself in “the valley of the shadow of death” that very night.

How had I gone from the highest of highs that same morning to the lowest of lows that night?

Suddenly, the weight of the situation… the weight of the “wait”… was almost crushing, suffocating. I had found myself in the same position that I had been in so many times before and I knew it wasn’t what God had for me. I knew it wasn’t what I wanted for me. I knew it wasn’t where I was “supposed” to be. Yet, I didn’t know how to get out. I was trapped.

I had finally realized I was stuck. I couldn’t get out. And I couldn’t do “this” anymore… the excruciating wait, the seemingly wandering aimlessly in circles. I was done. I could not handle it for one… more… day.

So, that’s what I told God.

I said, I’m done. This has to be the last night. Something has to change by tomorrow morning or I am going to have to willingly go against your will.

I couldn’t believe I was saying those words, but I was.

I had been faithful for so long. I had been trusting, hoping and expectant for so long. I had been obedient, doing it only His way, waiting only on His help and not trying to take matters into my own hands. But, I had reached my end.

I couldn’t do it anymore. I wasn’t going to make it out with my sanity.

It was hard to describe how I felt. Sad… disappointed… numb. I wasn’t mad. In fact, I told God that too. I said I wasn’t mad at Him at all. On the contrary, I was still so humbled and honored He had chosen me for the purpose that He did. And I still managed to be able to rebuke the lies of shame and self-condemnation, as I honestly said that I knew I wasn’t disappointing God.

But, I think that’s what made the moment even more confusing.

I knew He loved me. I knew He wasn’t disappointed in me. I wasn’t mad at Him. And I still wanted all of His promises and plans for my life. I just didn’t think I could make it to them.

Since I knew I wasn’t where He wanted me and I wasn’t where I wanted to be, then I felt like I must actually be missing something after all. And I had nothing left in me to “find” it.

So, I told Him, I’d have to give up. I didn’t even know exactly what I meant when I said it. Because I knew I wasn’t giving up on everything over all. But, in this one area, where I had been faithfully waiting… I had to give. I was going to have to intervene in my own flesh and make something else happen because I couldn’t take it any longer.

I didn’t really have any words to pray. And even though tears silently fell down my cheeks, I didn’t make any noise. I just sat there. Literally, just trying to make it through each moment.

Eventually, I fell asleep. But when the Lord woke me up at 3 am, He finally began to speak.

This moment of me “giving up” was like Peter when He denied Jesus 3 times. He had already been speaking to me about that passage of Scripture that morning and how Jesus referred to Peter by his “old” name, Simon, when He told him he was going to deny Him 3 times.

The Holy Spirit had also reminded me how He had whispered to me early one morning recently, “Simon is over.”

But, I hadn’t made a connection until this very moment. As He had me dive into that passage at 3 am, I realized that I was Peter. I had been so confident… so sure that I would never give up, so sure about my ability to believe and have faith that I would never stop… just like Peter was so sure he would never deny Jesus.

And then he did.

And I did too.

It was over-confidence. It was pride. And God was exposing it just like He had with Peter.

Actually, it was the enemy being allowed to “sift” me, just like Peter. That’s why the experience felt so intense. The enemy was literally being allowed to shake me and squeeze me until I gave. And I did.

But, the Lord was allowing it for a purpose. Just like He did with Peter.

When Peter heard the rooster crow and he looked into the eyes of Jesus, he was heartbroken. He had done what he thought he would never do - he had denied his friend and Lord.

He had felt like his faith was invincible. He was passionate about Jesus. He had walked on water for him and cut off a guard’s ear. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Him! Or so he thought.

But now, he had been exposed. To be weak and sinful just like everyone else. And he was shaken to his core.

It’s what I had been feeling as I sat there, silently crying, trying to make sense of what was happening. I had thought my faith was invincible too. I had done so much… come so far… been so far out on the water with Him… I would never give up. Yet, here I was… giving up.

It was humbling and like Peter, disappointing.

But, it was not unexpected to God.

In fact, He had been preparing me for it. That same morning, I had received a prophetic text message that said “I love you and fight for you. I do not leave you. I am not disappointed in you. My love restores you. Do not be afraid to have Me uncover your true heart.”

He had warned me and encouraged me in advance.

And again, just like with Peter, Jesus was using the experience to restore me. But first, He had to uncover my true heart. The one that I didn’t even realize was there.

Even that was actually an answer to my prayer. I had just asked Him to show me how to receive that love that I saw in the vision of the table and this was Him doing it. Because the first step to me receiving that love was laying down my pride.

And He had just showed me my pride, up close and personal.

As it turns out, I had believed in my heart, that I wouldn’t give up. That I wouldn’t give in. Because I was strong. My faith was strong. My belief and my resolve were strong. Me… me… me.

Except, it wasn’t about me at all. Jesus had to show me that without Him, I would fall just like Peter did. And like any other human being would and will.

Because without Him, we are weak. We are helpless. We are sinful.

But, the good news is, He chooses us anyway. He loves us anyway. That’s the point! But, we have to know who we are without Him. We have to know where our strength comes from! We have to know how utterly helpless we are without Him and how blessed we are to have Him!

That was the point for Peter. And that was the point for me.

In my mind, I saw an image of me standing and God’s hand coming in from the side. When He took away His Spirit inside of me, my body crumbled right to the ground. But, when He put His Spirit inside of me, I stood tall and firm.

It was not a threat of Him taking away His Spirit, but a reminder of how weak we are without it. It was a reminder of where our strength, our boldness, our wisdom, our passion and even our ability to believe actually comes from. It’s from HIM, not us!

He also reminded me of another visual He had used to speak to me a couple weeks ago. I had passed a tow truck that was pulling a RAM (which He had already been using to speak to me about the “ram’s horn”) and the tow truck was called “RESCUE 1.”

When I saw it, He reminded me that He was the only ONE that could rescue me/us. But now, He extended the interpretation and reminded me, when a vehicle is being towed, it’s because it has broken down. It is no longer able to move on its own and needs to be carried to its destination.

(Gives me goosebumps even now!)

And that’s exactly where He wanted me. When Satan “sifts” us, that’s his goal - to leave us broken in pieces. But, when we “break down,” is when Jesus can finally come to the rescue and carry us into our destiny. Just like the car on the back of a tow truck doesn’t try to help the tow truck get them there, He doesn’t need our help, He just needs our surrender. He just needs us to call on Him for rescue and then let Him do it.

The word I kept hearing roll over and over in my spirit was “relent.”

To “relent” means to melt, to be softened, to bend, be flexible. It also means to calm, make better, ease, mellow or relieve. And to let up, yield or give in. In its original meaning in Greek, it had to do with the heart, such as “to stop resisting love.”

And just like that, we’ve come full circle. It’s time to let go. It’s time to relent. To stop resisting love. To soften our hearts and yield to His ways.

It’s time to realize like the car on the tow truck, we can’t get their on our own. And that’s okay! We were never meant to! And the sooner we realize and accept that, the sooner Jesus can step in.

It reminded me of another vision that I heard shared on Kay Nash Ministries, where she saw a young girl with Jesus and she had run ahead of Him to her promises. When she realized things weren’t as they should be, she came running back to Him and He said, “I told you, it wasn’t time yet.” But then, He lifted her up on His shoulders and carried her into her real promises.

When we try to make things happen in our efforts, we fail. When we try to do things in our own strength, we fail. When we try to make it about us and our own faith or trust, we fail. We are not the hero of the story, Jesus is.

It’s why Moses says in Exodus 33, “If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” He didn’t want to go to the Promised Land without God and I don’t know about you, but I don’t either.

If this word resonates with you, don’t doubt God or His promises. It is time. It is time for your promises to manifest in the natural. It is time for you to walk fully in the purpose and plans He has for you.

But, don’t try to make it happen on your own. Don’t fall for the enemy’s deception and end up in pride or defeat. It is not about you. It's all about Him.

He’s not waiting for you to get it right or figure it out. He’s waiting for you to surrender and realize how much you need Him. He’s waiting for you to let Him love you.

The last thing I felt led to share is the rhema word He gave me because I feel that it applies to so many others in the Body of Christ right now too. Those of you who have been waiting on His promises and who know it’s time to take the new land, but have been feeling stuck. Here is what the Lord would say to you:

Come with Me, My child. Come with Me now to places you haven’t been able to go on your own. Hold on tight and I will carry you. There’s no reason to fear. I’ve got you. I’ve got you in My arms and I won’t let go. We are done here, it’s time to move on. But, don’t be afraid of what you don’t know or can’t see. I’ve got you and I won’t let go. You have everything you need in Me. I will sustain and nourish you and give you strength. There is hope to come and beauty and power. Let it rise in you now. Let it shine in you now - My light in you. It’s for all the world to see, so they can know Me like I know you. Show them and they will come.

It’s time for you to shine. It’s time to let go.