Take the Risk
TAKE THE RISK.
That’s what Pastor Mike Todd spoke at the end of his “Racial Reconciliation” sermon. But, it wasn’t his voice that I heard in my spirit. It was HIS voice - God’s.
TAKE THE RISK. WRITE THE POST.
I had been avoiding writing a blog post about the racial tension in America for a couple reasons. For one, I felt like, what does it matter what I have to say? Who am I to say what I think? Our society today is all about everyone throwing their opinion out there on a moment’s notice and I didn’t feel adding mine to the mix would make any difference.
But, as Pastor Todd (and the Holy Spirit) reminded me - it’s about the organism, not the organization. It is about each one of us. And what we each can do.
And I can write.
It’s what God gifted me to do. It’s how He works through me and speaks through me. So, why wouldn’t I write about this?
But, the other reason I was avoiding writing a post about it was much deeper.
My heart was hard.
I didn’t know it, but it was.
I would’ve never thought in a million years that I had a hardened heart toward any form of suffering, much less racism.
I’ve never been racist (or so I thought) my whole life. My very first best friend in kindergarten was black. I’ve dated black guys. I’ve had numerous black friends in the past and currently. In fact, I actually hate that I’m clarifying them right now as “black” friends and “black” guys, because to me then and to me now, they are just FRIENDS and GUYS, period.
But, as I’m meditating on all of this now, I feel like I’m being forced to look at color and acknowledge it.
In fact, I’m being forced to look at a lot of things right now.
And it all started with a prophetic dream I had last night.
In the dream, I was riding in a car with some other people with Pastor Todd driving and we passed a factory or place where they made grape juice. I knew it was Welch’s and there was a pipe that went directly from inside the factory to inside the car. Pastor Mike was giving each of us grape juice from it and allowing us to fill up our cups. As I started to drink it, I found that it was warm/hot, so I knew they had just made it. But, as I drank it, it became cold.
As I sat with the Holy Spirit this morning to receive the interpretation, I was both amazed and convicted.
He explained to me that Pastor Mike and his ministry has a direct connection to God and the “new wine” that He is releasing and that he is pouring it out to all of us, but it can still run cold when we drink it.
Obviously, that gripped my heart.
But, before I get into that, let me share how amazing the Holy Spirit is in how He speaks. Because it was also important that I knew it was Welch’s in the dream.
As it turns out, grape juice in and of itself is (or was) considered an “impossibility.” Because as soon as you crush a grape, it comes in contact with yeast from the skin and immediately begins to turn it into wine. It is a natural process, it is what automatically occurs.
Unless something or someone intervenes. And that intervention came through a guy named Thomas Welch who figured out that you could keep grape juice from turning into wine by heating it up and killing the yeast through pasteurization.
So, what does all this have to do with anything? Stick with me here...
Yeast prophetically represents sin. And the yeast is found in the skin of the grapes. Through the dream, the Holy Spirit was reminding me that “naturally,” in our flesh, we are prone to sin. It’s what automatically occurs in our human condition. But, God wants to intervene. He wants to burn off the sin and give us the “new wine” straight from the throne rooms of Heaven, but we have to be able to receive it without it “running cold.”
But, where was it running cold in me? Where was my heart hardened? I wondered.
Like I said, it had never been an issue for me that I knew of.
I had gone out to bars where I was literally the only white person in the entire place. And I had always said I wanted to be part of a black church because I liked how freely they worshipped as opposed to some of the white churches I had been to.
And there it was... the first glimpses that something was off.
A “black church”? The “white churches” I had been a part of?
Maybe there were some distinctions I had been making and hadn’t even realized it. Then, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the time in college when I worked as a Sally Beauty delivery girl and how I had always felt just a little uneasy going into the “black” neighborhoods to deliver products, as opposed to the upper-class, white salons.
Or how when I was an active part of the tiny house community, I used to wonder why people were forming separate groups and having specific discussions about black tiny house dwellers, like they were a separate entity, when I wondered why we couldn’t just all be one? I remember I had felt like they were almost creating an issue where there didn’t have to be one.
That is, until one of my tiny house friends (who is black) said to me one day... “Imagine how you would feel if you came to a festival with thousands of black people and you only saw a handful of white people all day? It would start to make you feel like maybe you didn’t have a place there or didn’t belong there.” And I realized she had an entirely different experience than I did.
Still... I was confused. How could I miss these things in my own thoughts and behaviors when I also remembered getting into literal arguments with friends and family combating racism? Like when one of my friends made a comment about how white women shouldn’t date black men. Or when my father unexpectedly let his racism show when he expressed his disapproval at me jokingly calling Craig David my “future husband.”
Or how I had been reduced to tears looking around church at both Elevation and Transformation because of the variety of people I saw around me and how it made my spirit soar inside?
I guess, as it turns out, it wasn’t such a black and white issue after all. Pun intended.
Things weren’t clear. They were blurred. I had experienced prejudice and been guilty of it. I had stood against racism and been ignorant of it.
It’s like I was at the tiny house festivals. Walking around in blissful ignorance and almost frustrated by anyone suggesting something different. Except, my thoughts and opinions were based on MY experience.
I didn’t have an issue or separate out black tiny house dwellers from white tiny house dwellers, so I subconsciously assumed (there’s that word) that no one else did either. Except, my friend had also given me another example - how tiny house communities and festivals tended to be held in rural communities in the South where she tended to experience a higher sense of uneasiness and discomfort due to her race. And again, I had never even thought about it.
But then, the Holy Spirit reminded me of what I had experienced.
Some years back, I worked in a doctor’s office answering phones. It was a strange set-up... it was me and seven other women all closed in a very small room together with no windows. I was the only white person out of the whole group. And to my surprise, I encountered a lot of what I referred to as “reverse racism” (except there’s no such thing, because racism is just racism).
Seemingly every day, there were comments being made toward me or about me being white. Things like assuming I didn’t know what singer they were talking about or that I probably didn’t even know what channel BET was on the TV. Or how all of them (including my supervisor who was also black) literally had a group conversation/laugh in front of me the day after the office Christmas party as they all marveled at the fact that I could actually dance.
I laughed along with them and mostly smiled or ignored their comments. But inside, it was draining me and exhausting me. It got to the point after being there for almost a year that I was in tears on the phone with the HR Director (who was also black) trying to get an early transfer to another office, but they weren’t willing to let me transfer early. I remember having the thought that if things were the other way around and the whole room was full of white women who were making comments about a black woman, that the turn-out would’ve been different.
It wasn’t a pretty thought. But, I had it nonetheless.
To be honest, I didn’t like to even think about any of that. God had already worked me through the feelings of rejection and unforgiveness around it and it wasn’t a great time in my life, so I had just sort of pushed it away. But, as the Holy Spirit brought it back up now, I had to wonder... how would I feel if that was a constant reality in my life and not just one year of it?
These were all things I hadn’t thought about before because as it turns out, my heart was hardened toward it. Mostly, out of ignorance and naivety. But, there was also something else that I was aware of and I knew God wanted to address that too.
The reason why I really didn’t want to get involved in everything that’s going on right now and why I actually didn’t even watch Pastor Todd’s “Racial Reconciliation” sermon until the Holy Spirit prompted me to today, is because I was (and am) angry.
But, not in the way you might think.
I am angry at the agenda behind all of this. I am angry at the people and forces in our society who perpetrate these things ON PURPOSE to drive their narrative and create the results they want. To cause and stir up division on purpose.
It’s the same thing that’s driven me mad about the agenda behind all the virus stuff. And maybe it’s just because God has called me to the prophetic ministry, so He has me focusing and sharing a lot about that side of things.
BUT, what I had to realize with the virus and what I’ve had to realize with this racial tension is this - GOD WILL USE ALL THINGS FOR GOOD.
Like the Elevation Worship song says, you take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good.
So, regardless of its origin or intention, God can and will use it.
It’s like the prophetic word He had me release about the “layers” of the virus. Even though there are evil agendas going on there both in the natural and the spiritual, God is also using it to bring people back to simpler ways of life, to spend more time with Him, to wake them out of complacency and mixture and to stir revival.
And He IS using this too!
And once He really showed me that, I had to repent for not seeing or acknowledging it sooner. Because that was nothing but pride on my part. Yes, pride can often take the form of anger. And even though I had no feelings of anger toward the people themselves, my anger toward the evil forces behind what was happening was blocking me from having empathy and being open to what God wants to do through it.
That was a massive revelation.
Here I was, a literal empath (someone who feels others’ feelings and emotions on a deep level) not feeling empathy or compassion for the people involved because I had let my anger get in the way.
I thanked God for showing me where my heart had been hardened. For forgiving me and for allowing me the opportunity to change and ask Him to soften my heart.
Which He did and almost immediately, as soon as I began watching the sermon and Pastor Mike spoke about George Floyd calling for his mama with his face in the ground, I had to pause the video and weep. I kept saying over and over again aloud, “I am so sorry. I am so sorry.”
God had opened my heart and let me feel what I had been subconsciously avoiding feeling. I had let the anger stand in the way of mourning a real person’s life. And everyone else who has ever or will ever feel like him.
I cried for awhile and I prayed for awhile.
But mostly, I thanked God because I know this is how He wants me to walk. Like Jesus did.
In fact, it actually brought me full circle to what we had just talked about last night.
As someone called to the prophetic office, I have always liked to get before the Lord, pray that the Holy Spirit silence my own thoughts and any voices of deception, so I can hear straight from the Lord on what He wants to say about something.
Yet, I hadn’t done that yet about any of this. So, last night, I did. And this is what He said:
Healing. There comes a time when a line needs to be drawn. No more. There is healing that needs to be done in the land. It is not a superficial healing, but a DEEP one. In the hearts of My people and others around them. They’ve taken it for granted - this “peace” (that was false) that they’ve had up until now. It’s an illusion and it’s time for them to discover the real thing found in Me. Everything they’re looking for is found here. It is wanted and needed in this time, but they have to seek it in the right place. Come to Me and be found. By the One that matters the most. Your hardship and survival don’t matter in the wrong hands. It matters to ME. Not them (man), ME. Come to Me now for refuge. Don’t look for it in spaces that are dark. Seek the light and you will find the air that you need and the water for your soul. You DO matter. You matter to ME.
When I received that last night, I had figured that I would share that today, along with maybe just a few quick little bullet points I felt Him laying on my heart. But then today, it has turned into so much more.
I still wanted to share that because it is my purpose in life to share God’s heart with the world. And that is His heart - letting everyone know that they matter to Him. And calling them to find their worth in Him and not in man or darkness or violence.
But, I also felt Him impressing on me what He does want to do through all of this. Because just like with the virus stuff, there’s always multiple things going on at once.
What He wants to do is turn evil for good. To take what was meant for division and turn it for unity instead. He wants to use what’s going on right now to open people’s eyes and bring about awareness.
And He wants to bring down the “giant” of racism once and for all. Just like the other “giants” of suicide, abortion, depression, sexism, sex trafficking... God is moving. And we are who He is moving through.
So, how do we let Him move through us?
Well, for me personally, I think the most important thing was for me to know how to deal with my anger. And I think that’s true for a lot of us, no matter which way your anger is directed.
So, in His awesome and infinite wisdom, the Lord led me to exactly the perfect Scripture to see an example of “righteous anger.” Because often, we can misuse that phrase and think that means a license to act a fool or go out yelling and screaming at anyone who’ll listen.
But, in John 11, Jesus demonstrates a very different version of righteous anger. His close friend Lazarus has just died and He has arrived at the scene of his burial.
In verse 33, we are told that “a deep anger welled up in Him” (NLT) or He was “groaned in the Spirit” (KJV). Yes, Jesus got mad. The word that was used in this verse does not mean a little upset or slightly emotional. It means rage or “burning indignation.” And indignation means “anger or annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment.”
Jesus isn’t mad at the people. He’s mad at what’s happening to them. He’s angry at the effect the evils of sin, suffering and death are having on the people that He loves. But, Jesus doesn’t react outwardly in anger. It is a groaning inside His Spirit. It is a controlled anger.
It is not a coincidence that the Holy Spirit also just led me to watch “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” two days ago. And illuminated one of his quotes from the movie - “There is always something you can do with the mad that you feel.”
Mr. Rogers’ whole intent was to help children deal with their emotions in a positive way. But, what if God wants to do the same thing with His children? What if He wants to let us know that there’s always something we can do with the mad that we feel?
To go back to the scene of Jesus at Lazarus’ home, he was angry. But, that wasn’t all. Jesus also wept (vs.35). He was angry and empathetic. Annoyed and compassionate. He didn’t just feel mad about what was happening to the people, He also felt empathy for the people.
Which gives us a beautiful example of how we can handle anger in a righteous way too.
I believe the Lord does want us to be angry at sin and its effect on our lives. I believe He does want us to be sober-minded, alert and aware of the devil’s schemes around us, the demonic agendas that are at work and the hidden sins in our own hearts.
But, like Jesus, He doesn’t want us lashing out in anger or directing it at people who are just as wounded and imperfect as the rest of us. Like Jesus, we can keep that anger controlled and direct it instead into doing something about it.
“In your anger, do not sin.” (Eph. 4:26a NIV)
After Jesus got mad and wept, He went into action. He told the people to roll the stone away, He prayed and He commanded Lazarus to come out. He did something.
And I believe that’s what God is calling us to now.
To be awake and aware of the spiritual powers and principalities that are at play. To be mad at the enemy’s schemes to try to cause and perpetrate division and hatred among people. To be empathetic and compassionate for ALL who are suffering and most importantly, to not stand by idly, but to do something about it. Not just anything, but something led by God.
To seek Him for direction and then to prayerfully, boldly, compassionately step out.
Pastor Mike described it as “crossing the line of comfort.” Which is exactly what I’m doing in writing this post and being completely transparent. Never in a million years, did I think I’d be writing anything racially-related, yet here I am because I know I can’t not speak up.
I may be a voice among millions and I don’t even know if anyone will read this far. But, we have to be willing to try. We have to be willing to use what we have to do something. Anything.
Because as followers of Jesus, we are commissioned to be peacemakers.
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” -Rom. 14:19 (NIV)
“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” -James 3:17-18 (NIV)
“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” -Ps. 34:14 (NIV)
“Deceit is in the hearts of those who plot evil, but those who promote peace have joy.” -Prov. 12:20 (NIV)
We are instructed to make every effort to live at peace with everyone (Heb. 12:14 NIV) and bear with one another in love (Eph. 4:2b NIV). Which means, we need to stand out from the world!
In a time like this, there has never been a greater opportunity to be the light in the midst of deep darkness. Where the world may be led to violence, demonstrations of anger and division through the plots of the enemy, we can present a different approach to the watching world.
“See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.” -1 Thes. 5:15 (ESV)
We are not to conform to the pattern of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2 NIV). And that can only happen through Jesus Christ.
We must turn from evil and do good. We must seek peace and pursue it (1 Pet 3:11). And we must demonstrate LOVE to everyone we meet. Real love, not convenient love or easy love or familiar love.
Because love is a verb. It’s an action word. It requires action on our part.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” -1 John 3:18 (NIV)
It’s like Pastor Todd said - this can either be a race riot or a revival. And God wants it to be a revival!
I’m not going to even try to say that I know exactly what that looks like. But, I do know I’ve seen glimpses of it already. In a group of peaceful protesters marching down the street singing Waymaker. In police officers kneeling with protesters. In people of all races kneeling together. Even in my own life, when a young black man stepped in to pay for my gas when I came up short the other day.
Because contrary to what the media would have you believe, there are still good people in the world. There is still love and peace and kindness.
But, now it’s time to take down the “giants” of racism, prejudice, hatred, violence and division. To fight them and conquer them with love.
Allow God to search your heart and expose any hard places that are hidden there. Repent of them and ask Him to help you change.
Cross the line of comfort and be the hands and feet of Jesus in places you’ve never been before or with people you’re not usually around.
And keep your eyes and ears open to the experiences of others, not just your own.
I may only be one person. But, if all the “one persons” in the world do something, change will come. God wants to heal. But, we need to agree with Him and seek it in the right place and the right way.
Let us humble ourselves, pray, seek God’s face and turn from our wicked ways (2 Chron. 7:14), so God will hear us from Heaven, forgive our sins and heal our land.
